Can you help when you are being helped or do you prefer being helped?

I guess my impression of non-prosperity of Malta (and the need of an ‘up-grade’ ;-)) came from my travelmates. I wouldn't notice myself the seemingly neglected houses, broken pipes and water flooding the street (well... flood? you haven't seen Sidoarjo!) and other ‘little things’ which do not usually happen in west European countries.

Perhaps seeing my friends’ reaction - this sense of ‘we are better’, or “Well, here is a developing country. But EU will bring improvement, which is needed INDEED!” – made me feel pity towards my own country. What do foreigners think when they come to my country? Of course they will have that damn impression: “Oh it’s beautiful. So exotic. I love your country so much!” But, what do they really feel when they see all the relative inconvenience that makes them do not feel as safe as in their own countries? Perhaps it’s more or less expected, accepted as the ‘fate’ of a developing country.

I used to think that having the concern from other countries would provide help in solving some of my country's problems. They could at least provide scholarships, networks, pressure in certain issues. We campaign abroad when we’re stuck in our own country, don’t we? We want to learn from foreign countries, which are seen as more advanced, more progressive. And we want them to help us.

Once my friends were discussing the autobiography of Hirsi Ali. One of them who had read Mijn Vrijheid told us how severe the condition of women in some countries is, as pictured in her book. What is their concluding remark then? “Wel, Netherlands is toch beter.” (The Netherlands is indeed a better place). What is actually the impact of an outside-concern like this to the actual problems? Maybe only an acknowledgement, that some of the people from these in-developing countries have been good enough as pupils from them, have been eventually enlightened.

A country is like a home. When it is neglected by its own members, nobody else can do anything about it. People from outside can have concern, can offer help, but it will be always limited. They can give advices, can give examples. But the members would only find the answers to their problems inside their home, unique to their own.

There is one quote saying this: ‘In the future the world shall not be classified into: developed, developing, and underdeveloped countries. But we shall put them into: smart, smarter, and smartest countries.’ There is more than enough evidence in nature that makes me believe in this. Harsh condition makes creatures becoming stronger, developing the necessary tools, and eventually surviving others.

Then I am back to my old question. What can I do in my country? What contribution that I can make? Once a friend said that I should just do the best I can do in my capacity. Doing something, especially with the best effort, is of course better than doing nothing. But would the best thing that we can learn by studying abroad be in finding alternatives? That the so-called solving-problem-power is the ability and persistence in exploring beyond the frontiers and being creative? That we should always try to do something that gives an added value, not just a repetition?


***

"Everyone must dream. We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming - well, that's like saying you can never change your fate. Isn't that true?" (Amy Tan, The Hundred Secret Senses)

The Ivory of Mediterranean

Malta - A tiny island between Sicily and North Africa. Where the language sounds like Arabic and the houses bear the symbol of Maria. Where limestone buildings and city walls rise above the sea, like ancient guardians. Where the biggest church in Europe impressively marks the city of Mosta. And where you can find temples older than pyramide and stonehenge, the labyrinth of catacombs, and the silence city Mdina.

Romantic, that's what I felt about Malta. The island and its towns glimmered their rich history. Nearly everybody had come, conquered, and influenced this small country. From Arab and Byzantine to British and Napoleon. It is strange how our impression (of the past) is influenced a lot by our imagination. If you look more into the history, it is a bloody story, a difficult life for its people. Yet I found it interesting, beautiful.
When you enter the city of Valetta through the only passage in their city wall, you will find rows of beautiful architectures at a hilly landscape - balconies, squares, people enjoying the sunshine.
Yet when you look closer - paint peeled from the walls of houses, dust at the windows and cars and everywhere, giving an impression of neglected houses and belongings. Giving me impression of a hard living. Still, it looked more charming than Switzerland, for example, where everything is clean, neat, and highly organized.

When you asked me of a particular event in my past, my impression can also fool me. I cannot give you an accurate story then. Am I then being honest (to myself)? When you ask if I like the Netherlands, I would now say yes, I was happy there, and I miss it. Yet you know that I have complaint a lot, and I chose to leave it and went to other places. When you asked if I have loved a particular person in the past, I could say no, it's just this or that. Or the opposite. Strange that the impression left is correcting the actual truth. Or "truth"?
Even for current events, my judgement is influenced by my impression, my prejudice, my longing. As always.


PS: Sorry for the misleading title :-)

***

"In the sunset of dissolution, everything is illuminated by the aura of nostalgia, even the guillotine." (Milan Kundera)

a playing ground

If only the end point could be moved somewhere else
so I could still play around and round
But this is not an infinite game
so I have to draw conclusion from what is unfinished
Tomorrow is one of the deadlines...

Membuat "bunga salju" :-)

Setelah 3 hari bersabar: mencampur succinic anhydride dan dimethylaminoethanol, dimasak selama 4 jam, diuapkan, dilarutkan ... ditunggu sampai muncul serpihan-serpihan putih ... diberi ether yg baunya wow sedaap :-) sambil digoyang-goyang dalam air panas (tukang masaknya ikut bergoyang tuh, menikmati ether ;-)) ... dibiarkan semalaman, besok paginya kristal putih kecil-kecil terbentuk di dasar labu kaca ... diulangi lagi proses ini; dilarutkan, dibiarkan seharian; dan diulangi lagi, lagi, biar hasil yg terbentuk makin murni

Senang deh waktu melihat kristal putih yg bagaikan serpihan-serpihan bunga salju terbentuk, my precious :-) ...
Seingatku, praktikum organic synthesis waktu kuliah farmasi dulu nggak semenarik ini. Mungkin krn dulu lebih terpaku pada protokol. Sedangkan sekarang, seperti seni, seperti memasak ... tidak ada prosedur detil, hanya lihat resepnya di jurnal :-)

psstt... sempat gosong pula :-) ... lha ditulis masak selama 4 jam dg suhu 65 derajat ... eh tahunya harus sering diaduk-aduk, kalo nggak ... nah gosong beneran tuh ;-p

Beda filosofi pengobatan?

Setelah batuk melulu kalau malam sejak Maret, terutama saat cuaca dingin (yang hampir tiap hari di sini, biarpun bln Agustus :-)), akhirnya aku ke poliklinik USZ kemarin. Ternyata aku didiagnosis asma ringan.
Bukan hanya dokter ini saja yg menduga asthma (minggu depan masih harus check lagi), teman2 di RS dan seorang teman dokter juga menduga yg sama krn mendengar batukku yg katanya "wheezing". Di Belanda 2 th yg lalu, sempat juga batuk parah. Dokter waktu itu tidak memberi tahu soal asthma, tapi dia memberikan obat yg sama dg sekarang, kortikosteroid inhaler, utk inflamasi di jalan napas.
Herannya, sejak lebih dari 5 th yg lalu di Indonesia, aku emang sering batuk sampai berbulan-bulan, dan sudah ke berbagai ahli THT. Gak ada seorangpun yg mendiagnosis asma, hanya dosis codein (sejenis opioid, utk menekan refleks batuk) dan antibiotikku aja yg semakin diperkuat :-) Apa ini salah satu contoh beda pengobatan di Eropa dan di Asia / Indonesia?

Sehabis dari poliklinik tsb, aku ketemu seorang teman dari Vietnam, dokter juga, dan dia tidak setuju dg hasil diagnosa tsb, "of course it's not asthma! you're coughing!!"
Kemudian dia curhat: menstruasinya sudah terlambat seminggu dan dia sudah tes dan tidak hamil. Dia jadi khawatir dan ingin di-ultrason oleh ginekolog di RS ini. Ternyata oleh ginekolog tsb, dia di-tes kehamilan lagi (dengan hasil negatif) dan disuruh menunggu seminggu lagi sbl permintaan tesnya disetujui. Teman ini mengeluh, "Dokter di sini terlalu mengikuti prosedur, step-by-step. Di negara saya, gampang sekali utk tes spt ini. Saya tinggal minta tolong kolega saya."

Jadi teringat cerita seorang teman lain yg suaminya, lagi-lagi, dokter. Kali ini dokter kandungan, dan suaminya ini bersekolah kedokteran di Jerman. Ketika kembali ke Indonesia, dia mengeluh tentang perbedaan2 antara yg dia pelajari di Jerman dg kenyataan yg dia lihat di Indonesia. Di Indonesia, operasi caesar gampang sekali dilakukan, bahkan hanya dengan alasan si ibu takut sakit. Sedangkan si teman dokter ini terlanjur diajarkan utk tidak mengambil resiko yg tidak perlu yg bisa membahayakan si pasien. Operasi caesar termasuk operasi besar dan harus dengan alasan yg benar2 kuat. Konflik batin deh jadinya :-)

Bagiku memang kelihatannya pengobatan di Asia (Indonesia) lebih berfokus pada meredakan symptom / gejala2 penyakitnya saja (dan dengan demikian juga meredakan keluhan si pasien :-)). Kalau kalian ke dokter di Belanda misalnya, jangan langsung berharap akan diberi obat. Konsultasi pertama, kemungkinan besar akan disuruh beristirahat dahulu. Terkena infeksi kandung kemih misalnya, seminggu pertama akan disuruh banyak minum air dan yg asam2 (jus jeruk dsb). Setelah seminggu, dites lagi dan kalau ternyata bakterinya masih berkeliaran barulah diberi antibacterial.

Aku pribadi sih sebenarnya lebih setuju cara pengobatan yg seperti ini, terutama untuk penyakit2 yg memang pengobatan yg tersedia hanya bersifat symptomatic, seperti flu. Beri kesempatan tubuh utk beristirahat dan memulihkan dirinya sendiri dulu. Untuk jangka panjang, ini lebih baik. Obat diberikan hanya jika benar2 perlu, selain untuk mengurangi efek2 samping yg tidak diinginkan, juga meminimalisasi penyalahgunaan obat.

Tapi jadi ngelantur lagi. Barangkali gaya pengobatan di Asia (Indonesia) yang seperti ini; yang seolah2: 'yang penting si pasien tidak mengeluh lagi'; terkait dengan kondisi sosial ekonomi di negara tersebut. Di Eropa, orang berhak untuk sakit :-) Cuti sakit kita tidak mengambil jatah hari libur kita. Di Swiss, kita berhak cuti 3 hari tanpa keterangan dokter. Dan dengan keterangan dokter, bisa "selama-lamanya" :-) dan tetap digaji. Di Indonesia, mana boleh orang sakit. Minimal jatah cuti diambil, atau malah bisa2 dipecat oleh bos. Barangkali kalau ada dokter di Indonesia yang menyarankan pasiennya utk bed-rest, bakal kagak bakal dibayar tuh dokter. Seperti kata teman saya, "buat apa ke dokter kalau nggak dapat obat!" :-)