in the mood", Rabu, September 12, 2007

Sad......

This morning I heard a very sad news.

Yesterday, while having morning coffee by myself in the canteen, a Chinese suddenly talked to me. She was so happy to be able to talk to other Asian, since she had been feeling lonely, being the only foreign student in her lab.

She had previously studied in Canada, where she had enjoyed very much. But here, she had problem. She had just started to learn the local language. She wished very much that in the meantime her colleagues spoke English when she was around, so as not to make her feeling too isolated. Her colleagues knew about her problem - she had talked about it and she had also talked to her supervisor. But seemed there was nothing they could do (indeed!!). She then thought: yeah, what's the point of continuing all of these? what's the point doing research for 3-4 years, which is already hard, in an environment like this? And this morning, she decided then to quit her phd study.

Her experience is a classic story of being an international student in a group where there is almost no other foreigner, and where English is not the main local language. You will almost always recognize the same patterns. In the beginning, we are enthusiastic in making effort to make friends and to integrate into the group. The colleagues also show interest to the new member - asking questions, conversing in English. As time goes by, the colleagues speak less and less English, we more and more run out of ideas and energy to always start a topic to push the group conversation back to English. Our lines then will mostly start with a question to somebody sitting the closest, will be answered in one sentence, and then both don't know how to continue. In the meantime, we will try to learn the local language. But since it needs time to be able to follow the fast conversation of the others (even when they do not include their dialects), it is still frustrating to always just sit and listen and don't understand anything. Then we will more seldom come to coffee, lunch break, party, or any social activities of the group since a whole day torture is quite enough. And we feel more lonely and isolated.

For me, it is very sad when a chance to do a phd study - a luxury that not everybody in my country has - has to be terminated for something that has nothing to do at all with the science itself (and even, it is not something that can't be helped by the surrounding). Till now, I still don't understand why it is too hard for such colleagues to help a bit with the social interaction. I myself experience this, both here and in my former lab (different country). But each time I tried to talk about this issue to others, seems it is too difficult for them to understand. Their excuses range between: "I can't really speak English!", "Why don't you have something to say then, so that people talk to you?" and "Why don't you speak our local language? Don't you want to learn it?" Adding to this, by the time we seldom come to their social meetings, they will think that we don't actually want to integrate to the group. The reactions then range between hinting or commenting directly on our lack of socialization, pushing us harder to join the group social activities that they think we need and should like, and ignoring more during the few lunch break that we sometimes still try to join.

Out of the language issue, there are also annoying (if not to say: impolite) things said by certain colleagues sometimes. Like, for example, one colleague of this Chinese girl said that he just went to a Chinese restaurant and vomited afterwards. He then talked to her about how Chinese meal is not hygienic, and how clean and good quality the Swiss food is.

All of these made me wonder, why consideration to others has so little value here?
And sometimes, it's so easy for everybody to categorize a problem under "cultural difference" while it is just about a normal, equal, human relation.

Once my good friend said, that it is better if somebody brought up not in always all-good condition, because then he/she will have more empathy to others. In a wider context, another friend also quoted from somewhere, that if only everybody is born as minority, then the world will be more peaceful and tolerant.
Perhaps it's true. When people are in comfort zone, they would rather blind themselves to others' needs than sacrificing their convenience.

A good heart is equally important as a sound mind. Otherwise, all things that we said or do are intellectually correct, but have no feeling to others.